Checking back in was the worst. I could see the pity in the nurses faces and it made me more sad. I could hear the whispers "That's the naked potato thrower from up stairs...she hasn't even been gone for 7 hours." I did not want to make eye contact with anyone because of my giant swollen angry eyes. Ben wasn't happy either. He hadn't even gone to bed yet. I made sure he knew that was his own grown-up bad decision because we did the adult thing in this moment while disappointed, exhausted, and gushing out blood and brought up past arguments to lighten the mood. "Well, Benjamin, if I remember correctly, you bought me your favorite candy on Mother's Day 3 years ago. I don't even like original skittles, I like tropical skittles and I like chocolate. That was really selfish of you." Then Ben added to the vibe with "Maybe tropical skittles would have been bought if you would stop hanging up the boys shirts. They should be put in the drawer where they can be reached instead of making them use a stool and always breaking hangers!" The boys do always break hangers.
I had lost over a liter of blood with the first two bleeds and this one seemed much worse. We were both worried we would be delivering at just 27 weeks pregnant and signing paper work to prepare for a possible emergency c-section seemed unreal. Dr. Edmunds had already called to check in, we were very impressed since it was around 2 am. He said he was up with his new baby. We assumed that wasn't the truth #northfacefabrication and really he was up with a recreational activity he brought back from Seattle. After all he is an incredibly chill liberal ...probably likes Cheetos and Funyons...I am hinting at recreational marijuana... either way it confirmed we liked this man. By 3 am things settled again and Ben went back home to get some sleep and be with the boys, who by this time were used to living on their own at such tender ages. *I feel I should be truthful at this point that Ben's father would come watch the boys while we went skipping our way to the Woman's Pavilion. Just in case this were to come across social-worker Krissy.
This round we took a tour of the NICU where she would be staying as well as talked with the maternal-fetal medicine specialist. Surprisingly this calmed all my nerves. The unknown is always the most terrifying part of a situation for me and if ever I have been put in an unknown situation, it was now. They beautifully shed light and hope on the outcome, even with the potential of baby girl coming at this point. We also went through the process of accepting whatever outcome was in store for us. This process required a lot of prayer and a lot of emotions. I was a natural for the emotions part as a nearly 28 week pregnant woman. We felt intense love, peace and strength. I am no fool and knew where that strength was coming from because I had received steroid shots by this time. In addition to the steroid shots we had our faith and knew a lovingly Heavenly Father had a plan for us. We knew nothing else but that was enough for us to know at the time.
Rock took the news as horribly as we thought he may. Luckily, I had already clearly explained who he needed to blame before this so I was off the hook. We will have time to work on sibling resentment later. Ben hugged on him until it was time for kindergarten. Titus just said cool then asked what was for breakfast. Titus had really been dealing with it quite well. Ben would tell me about the days he would ask where I was or when I would be home. There were a few rough days for the little guy. One particularly tough day he crawled up on to Ben's lap and sadly told his dad that he missed me. Titus said, "Daddy, I am ready for mommy to come home from the gym now." Ben loved on him and gently explained, "Sweet son, have you seen the size of your mother? She has not been at the gym!!!" Ben also comforted me explaining how great it was that our child thought I was at the gym, not the bar, strip club or out selling drugs. I agreed those places are not as positive as the gym.
The next few days were a blur. I still hadn't found my glass-is-half-full mentality. As far as I was concerned the ******* empty glass hated me. *I am unsure what cuss word to use there. I had been too angry to practice swearing so I will go back and edit later. I was pretty quiet which hasn't happened since before middle school. I was a very shy girl back then until one day I had to read out loud in my 7th grade biology class. When I went to read the word organism I pronounced it orgasm. Everyone laughed and I knew I did something but had no idea what. My teacher calmly corrected me "Organism, Cydni." Then I knew what happened. I knew orgasm was not the right thing to say aloud in a class room of 13 year olds though admittedly I was unsure exactly why. I had to think quick and went with, "Oh I totally meant to say that. I knew it would be hilarious!! My face just turns bright red when I am ...hungry...." Then I went to the dictionary and wondered how everyone knew about orgasms already. Anyway, that's when I was forced into acting like I was funny. Shortly after a boy high-fived me for that great joke I just pulled, on accident, asked if I had just moved to town. That was a little disheartening because I had been in his class since Kindergarten. There were only 40 of us in our small town class of 2003 and apparently my class thought there were actually 39. My life changed that day. Yet, years later I found myself being as quiet as pre-biology class.
Once again we were relieved to hear baby girl was a very happy little thing swimming around without a stress in the world. I was able to be moved back upstairs to recovery. My spirits were up a little as they gave me my room back with the pretty mountain view. My mother-in-law brought the boys to see me and had a brilliant idea to give me one-on-one time with the boys. She would take one and the other would hang out with me. Rock and I had a real conversation about what was going on. I had found an appropriate diagram that showed a baby and a placenta and where it was. We were very factual talking about what was happening and why I was there. He seemed to understand a little of the chaos for the first time and I could see him straighten up his shoulders and accept it. Rock perked up with "Hey!! Then it's not daddy fault!!" I chuckled and responded "Oh Rocky, it is most certainly all his fault."
The team of doctors I was working with came in often and every time I asked if I could please go home usually they made a sad face then left the room. I sincerely felt they wanted me out of there as much as I did. Not because of my race or education but they cared and wanted me to be home with my family in time for the holidays. Dr. Edmunds came in the Monday before Christmas and said based on the latest ultra sound and complaints from my hospital neighbors of aggressive weeping and wailing I could go home!!! Ben and the boys came right away. Rock gave me a giant hug and then asked if he could go to GiGi's house to play.
--It's possible Dr. Edmunds is an Independent We will have this conversation after the birth.
.
Saturday, January 30, 2016
Thursday, January 28, 2016
The Big Let Down (S1 E3)
Christmas was coming and we had no idea if I was going to get to be home for the holiday. We prepared mentally either way but mostly felt gratitude that baby girl was still growing. She looked healthy and strong!
Ten days before Thanksgiving I had a strong urge to put up our Christmas tree. I harshly judge people who do that. I am that person who in anger post on Facebook "Can't we all be grateful before so greedy" then add the best meme I can find to go with that thought (next year when I do this I will be ready to add cursing to that post). This year I felt different. I found myself questioning everything I thought I knew about me. Who was this girl? I told my friend, Jessica, that I wanted to set up for Christmas and she reminded me that I am an adult and if I decided this year I wanted my tree up then I should put the tree up. So a few days passed and finally I took her advice and came out of the early Christmas decor closet. Titus, Rock and I set up the Christmas Tree and started playing Christmas music immediately. Looking back, I am sure glad we did since I was in now sitting in a hospital bed. I did not feel like I missed out too much on enjoying my favorite time of year. I didn't stop there and did something else crazy and bought nearly all of our gifts the first week of December through Amazon. I took care of family, friends and my boys gifts by the 5th day of December. Usually we rush out a day or two before Christmas and wrap until 3am. These two things were key for a low stress hospital stay. I knew everything concerning that was taken care of. Phew!!
Jessica has been a key player in this experience. I am not just saying that because I am going to ask her to edit this before I post it. Which she will do even knowing I listened to Justin Beiber as I wrote it out which she does not support at all. Everyone needs a friend like Jessica. I needed some items and didn't want to add to Ben's full plate. So I turned to Jessica. I sent her a text that I needed big ugly underwear, slippers, and some brow liner because eye brows are important. Not only did she get me this right away but she also brought other items I didn't think about like Mascara and chocolate. Mascara would end up being something I held on dearly to from this experience on. I had no idea what it would do for my mood. I showered and then put on my mascara and with that I knew I could get through the day. Everyone needs a friend who will buy you ugly underwear, hook you up with Netflix and bring you mascara. I love mascara and I love Jessica.
Not only did I have Jessica at this time but one sister-in-law, Julia, who works the night shift as a......fill in the blank .....ok a nurse but I bet you thought of something much more exotic. I have another SIL, Colleen, who just had a baby so both were up all night texting me since Ambien is a fraud. My third SIL, Jaimee, was on call to fly out if I we needed. My brothers married quite well despite their height. Then there was Valayne who has been a solid friend since high school the one who can tell anything to things like I listen to JB and even bought his CD. I would probably lose friends over that. Actually, come to think of it I haven't seen Jessica for days.... I couldn't name everyone who has been here to visit or brought sweet gifts because there are so many it would take an entire blog to give everyone credit and legally because a lot of them are famous, very famous and very rich, beautiful people so for their protection I have to keep the list short. I wanted to list some though so people would get the idea that I am very popular which is true because I have roughly 75 Facebook friends and 28 Instagram followers. #Ihashtag #popular #followforafollow
It's been said that experiences like this show who your friends are and I felt like we have been blessed because people we thought would be there for us have been and people we have slowly gotten to know have become people we love greatly. The people who surprised me were my parents. My dad would call laughing. He could barely get it out but I knew what he was going to say because he said it every single time we talked "BAHAHAHAHA Pay Back has already begun BAHAHAHA hope you are ready for a daughter BAHAHA they are the worst HAHA!!" My mother cheered me up by sending pictures of one of her dogs ,Ada Mae, doing cute things like staring at the camera, sitting or drinking water from a bowl. Since the day my father sat me on his lap and told me I should have been a boy I knew I would never be the favorite.
I was ready to go home. Nothing exciting had happen and I had been in for 11 days. After counseling with another friend, Kira, I knew there was only one way they were going to let me out. I started being as disruptive as possible. Typical things like running my naked pregnant body through the halls, throwing mashed potatoes at the other patient's visitors, pulling the emergency cord in the bathroom only to ask for a Diet Coke or foot massage, hiding from my nurses for hours in another room, or checking people's vitals which I do know how to do now but not really qualified. My favorite was when a patients baby was in the room I would say, "Awe cute kid you made but you should see the baby two rooms down now that baby is beautiful but hey mediocre is great too." People loved that. That very same day December 17 at 6 pm, Dr. Edmunds gave me the good news that I could go home!!! I was so excited I wanted to jump up and hug the guy but felt it was inappropriate because 1) I am so largely pregnant right now so my bosom's are gigantic. I am talked close to a full B cup so that's enough to make anyone uncomfortable (Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable but it's just true and don't compare yourself to me not everyone can be as voluptuous) 2) He is a liar about north face gear and finally 3) He will one day buy a BMW from the dealership so it's important to keep things professional with future clientele. So I gave him two thumbs up. I packed up fast and called for a ride.
We decided to keep it a surprise for the boys and what a wonderful surprise it was! I was going to be home for Christmas!! It didn't take long to have things make to a normal household. The boys and I played some board games and read a few books. I took a nice long hot shower and even shaved my legs as best as I could- well one of them. We sat together at the counter while Ben suggested I make dinner, catch up on laundry and rub his feet. However, after a sweetheart conversation he ordered us dinner, rubbed my feet and we happily sat as a family. I can't recall a time that I have felt more overjoyed. Ben and I stayed up much too late watching a movie that I didn't like but I liked being by him, in our home, holding his hand. I decided I should get some sleep but first posted a very fluffy and heartfelt Facebook post of what we had been going through and how grateful I was for it to be over. I really hadn't posted on Facebook the whole time which isn't like me. I usually don't want anyone missing out on where we are, what we are eating or what we are doing every moment of the day. I hadn't really told many people still but in the words of Taylor Swift we were out of the woods now. I no longer cared who knew. Then I hopped into my bed!
Oh! My own bed! It felt wonderful. Ben came in an hour later to join me. That's when I sat up and exclaimed, "OH NO!!!!!!" I rushed to the bathroom and begged Ben to tell me I was having a nightmare. Blood everywhere again. I had been scared about when or if I would bleed again but I did not feel scared at all as it happened- I felt anger. I cried and begged him not to make me go back after all I was sure I knew how to handle it on my own now- I needed an IV, a gigantic pad and somewhere uncomfortable to put my feet up just like the hospital. I immediately took down by stupid Facebook post while Ben grabbed my unpacked bags and started to say "Mini Van?" but stopped and grabbed some towels. I felt sick for the morning when my boys would wake up and I would be gone again. I felt guilt as a mother that I was failing them and fear they would be so mad at me. I also wished I had shaved my other leg. This was the first time I didn't feel so bad about my new learning to swear hobby because I put to use every word I had been practicing which was still just one but I was much better at it now. I felt a little broken and down for the first time and it was the first time through the whole thing that I really cried.
--No need for any clarification for this post because it's true I am a massive B Cup. Boom.
Ten days before Thanksgiving I had a strong urge to put up our Christmas tree. I harshly judge people who do that. I am that person who in anger post on Facebook "Can't we all be grateful before so greedy" then add the best meme I can find to go with that thought (next year when I do this I will be ready to add cursing to that post). This year I felt different. I found myself questioning everything I thought I knew about me. Who was this girl? I told my friend, Jessica, that I wanted to set up for Christmas and she reminded me that I am an adult and if I decided this year I wanted my tree up then I should put the tree up. So a few days passed and finally I took her advice and came out of the early Christmas decor closet. Titus, Rock and I set up the Christmas Tree and started playing Christmas music immediately. Looking back, I am sure glad we did since I was in now sitting in a hospital bed. I did not feel like I missed out too much on enjoying my favorite time of year. I didn't stop there and did something else crazy and bought nearly all of our gifts the first week of December through Amazon. I took care of family, friends and my boys gifts by the 5th day of December. Usually we rush out a day or two before Christmas and wrap until 3am. These two things were key for a low stress hospital stay. I knew everything concerning that was taken care of. Phew!!
Jessica has been a key player in this experience. I am not just saying that because I am going to ask her to edit this before I post it. Which she will do even knowing I listened to Justin Beiber as I wrote it out which she does not support at all. Everyone needs a friend like Jessica. I needed some items and didn't want to add to Ben's full plate. So I turned to Jessica. I sent her a text that I needed big ugly underwear, slippers, and some brow liner because eye brows are important. Not only did she get me this right away but she also brought other items I didn't think about like Mascara and chocolate. Mascara would end up being something I held on dearly to from this experience on. I had no idea what it would do for my mood. I showered and then put on my mascara and with that I knew I could get through the day. Everyone needs a friend who will buy you ugly underwear, hook you up with Netflix and bring you mascara. I love mascara and I love Jessica.
Not only did I have Jessica at this time but one sister-in-law, Julia, who works the night shift as a......fill in the blank .....ok a nurse but I bet you thought of something much more exotic. I have another SIL, Colleen, who just had a baby so both were up all night texting me since Ambien is a fraud. My third SIL, Jaimee, was on call to fly out if I we needed. My brothers married quite well despite their height. Then there was Valayne who has been a solid friend since high school the one who can tell anything to things like I listen to JB and even bought his CD. I would probably lose friends over that. Actually, come to think of it I haven't seen Jessica for days.... I couldn't name everyone who has been here to visit or brought sweet gifts because there are so many it would take an entire blog to give everyone credit and legally because a lot of them are famous, very famous and very rich, beautiful people so for their protection I have to keep the list short. I wanted to list some though so people would get the idea that I am very popular which is true because I have roughly 75 Facebook friends and 28 Instagram followers. #Ihashtag #popular #followforafollow
It's been said that experiences like this show who your friends are and I felt like we have been blessed because people we thought would be there for us have been and people we have slowly gotten to know have become people we love greatly. The people who surprised me were my parents. My dad would call laughing. He could barely get it out but I knew what he was going to say because he said it every single time we talked "BAHAHAHAHA Pay Back has already begun BAHAHAHA hope you are ready for a daughter BAHAHA they are the worst HAHA!!" My mother cheered me up by sending pictures of one of her dogs ,Ada Mae, doing cute things like staring at the camera, sitting or drinking water from a bowl. Since the day my father sat me on his lap and told me I should have been a boy I knew I would never be the favorite.
I was ready to go home. Nothing exciting had happen and I had been in for 11 days. After counseling with another friend, Kira, I knew there was only one way they were going to let me out. I started being as disruptive as possible. Typical things like running my naked pregnant body through the halls, throwing mashed potatoes at the other patient's visitors, pulling the emergency cord in the bathroom only to ask for a Diet Coke or foot massage, hiding from my nurses for hours in another room, or checking people's vitals which I do know how to do now but not really qualified. My favorite was when a patients baby was in the room I would say, "Awe cute kid you made but you should see the baby two rooms down now that baby is beautiful but hey mediocre is great too." People loved that. That very same day December 17 at 6 pm, Dr. Edmunds gave me the good news that I could go home!!! I was so excited I wanted to jump up and hug the guy but felt it was inappropriate because 1) I am so largely pregnant right now so my bosom's are gigantic. I am talked close to a full B cup so that's enough to make anyone uncomfortable (Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable but it's just true and don't compare yourself to me not everyone can be as voluptuous) 2) He is a liar about north face gear and finally 3) He will one day buy a BMW from the dealership so it's important to keep things professional with future clientele. So I gave him two thumbs up. I packed up fast and called for a ride.
We decided to keep it a surprise for the boys and what a wonderful surprise it was! I was going to be home for Christmas!! It didn't take long to have things make to a normal household. The boys and I played some board games and read a few books. I took a nice long hot shower and even shaved my legs as best as I could- well one of them. We sat together at the counter while Ben suggested I make dinner, catch up on laundry and rub his feet. However, after a sweetheart conversation he ordered us dinner, rubbed my feet and we happily sat as a family. I can't recall a time that I have felt more overjoyed. Ben and I stayed up much too late watching a movie that I didn't like but I liked being by him, in our home, holding his hand. I decided I should get some sleep but first posted a very fluffy and heartfelt Facebook post of what we had been going through and how grateful I was for it to be over. I really hadn't posted on Facebook the whole time which isn't like me. I usually don't want anyone missing out on where we are, what we are eating or what we are doing every moment of the day. I hadn't really told many people still but in the words of Taylor Swift we were out of the woods now. I no longer cared who knew. Then I hopped into my bed!
Oh! My own bed! It felt wonderful. Ben came in an hour later to join me. That's when I sat up and exclaimed, "OH NO!!!!!!" I rushed to the bathroom and begged Ben to tell me I was having a nightmare. Blood everywhere again. I had been scared about when or if I would bleed again but I did not feel scared at all as it happened- I felt anger. I cried and begged him not to make me go back after all I was sure I knew how to handle it on my own now- I needed an IV, a gigantic pad and somewhere uncomfortable to put my feet up just like the hospital. I immediately took down by stupid Facebook post while Ben grabbed my unpacked bags and started to say "Mini Van?" but stopped and grabbed some towels. I felt sick for the morning when my boys would wake up and I would be gone again. I felt guilt as a mother that I was failing them and fear they would be so mad at me. I also wished I had shaved my other leg. This was the first time I didn't feel so bad about my new learning to swear hobby because I put to use every word I had been practicing which was still just one but I was much better at it now. I felt a little broken and down for the first time and it was the first time through the whole thing that I really cried.
--No need for any clarification for this post because it's true I am a massive B Cup. Boom.
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
If I Could Save Time In a Bottle (S1 E2)
I don't have impressive hobbies. I love the gym, the mountains, and any thing that encourages my wild boys to be wild like trampoline parks. Sitting in a hospital room doesn't allow for the things I enjoy. Luckily, I have always been a huge fan of sleeping. When my boys sleep perfectly through the night, I still like to nap when they nap. It makes me feel good and happy so why would I stop. Yet, here I found myself awake for 20 hours straight and I didn't feel the least bit tired. By this point, I knew I was ok and most importantly my baby girl looked amazing. She suffered zero stress and was moving around like the little ninja I have known her to be so far.
One of the many doctors I had been seeing suggested I have some Ambien. I have never had a sleeping pill in all my days since sleeping has always been a solid skill of mine. To say I was excited would be an understatement. To me this was like an artist receiving brand new specialty paint brushes and paint. You know their next project is going to be amazing. When it comes to use of any substance we could just say I am very very vanilla. An Ambien?! Things were going to get crazy. This was going to be epic!!! I was going to pass out, snore so loud sprawled out awkwardly on my hospital bed, and let the drool run down my face. My nurse told me to tell her when I was ready so I looked through my Facebook feed one more time since it would be hours possibly days before I did that again and announced I was ready. Everyone said it usually takes about 10 minutes and you are out. I looked at the clock as I swallowed that pretty little pill and then sadly watched 3 more hours pass by. It didn't do its job at all. Very disappointing. Already I was digressing at something I was once really great at. Finally, I fell asleep just in time to have more nurse visits which allowed me to never sleep again. Ever.
When my boys came the next day my 3 year old Titus drank my hospital milk while squishing me in my bed with the amazing buttons that were just in his reach. Rock who is 5 cried and asked why I wasn't home. We explained to him that the doctors and nurses wanted me to stay so the baby and I could stay safe. Rock with tears in his eyes yelled, "I wish you never got pregnant. If you didn't get pregnant this wouldn't have happened!!" The problem I had with this was all the "you" talk. Rock was mad at me! I needed to fix this quick so I held him close to me and explained the truth, "Rock, it's not my fault I am pregnant. It's your father's fault I am pregnant and it's your baby sister's fault I am in the hospital. She is a girl and will likely ruin your life from this point forward because that's what girls do." This answer seemed to satisfy me as Rock glared at Ben and scooted away from my belly. Problem solved.
We were at a different hospital than we had planned and decided it would make the most sense to change doctors to one on location. We figured why not make everyones life easier. We lined up all the doctors and asked them important questions like who's your NBA team? Do you think Donald Trump is real person, because he can't be... and Do you drive a BMW? That last question was just work related for Ben. We met Dr. Edmunds and liked him right away because he had spent some time in Seattle and it's beautiful there so it seemed like a good fit. Also, he mentioned something about having experience as well as a degree of some kind. Sounded good to us. I asked him if he wore Northface gear all the time because I remember while in Seattle, sticking out in my flashy nike leggings while everyone else was in muted orange, yellow and black north face get-up. Dr. Edmunds responded with a chuckle that he did not. However, two days later he came in wearing his black north face jacket. That's when I knew our new doctor was a liar. That didn't matter much though because Dr. Edmunds was a fan of BMWs as he had driven one before (likely not in Seattle I am sure he had a Subaru there) but did not currently own bimmer. Future prospect. So Dr. Edmunds, with his trendy black framed glasses, got the job.
I was moved out of labor and delivery and back upstairs in recovery to be monitored. The days were exceptionally long and it was very difficult to be away from my husband and my boys. They spent every day with Ben's parents GiGi and Bop. They loved that. I was asked by friends and family what I do to keep busy all day. So far, I kept busy by staring at the wall or ceiling but didn't want to tell anyone that especially because I was quite content doing it. I needed to come up with something. Everything that I enjoy most, as far as activities go, requires me going somewhere and doing something. Never has a sit down hobby appealed to me in the slightest. I knew I needed to be open minded. After much thought I decided to tackle a secret goal I have had as a youth. My little brother, Grady, had a very impressive cursing talent. He could add cuss words to any sentence about any topic and it was if they belonged there. As a straight arrow young lady in greatly bothered me, however, I had serious respect for how well he put the words together. I decided that would be it. I would practice swearing and be even better at it than Grady. My deadline was to be ready by delivery. I would impress the entire hospital staff with my profanties. Meanwhile, Ben took on chores he had never done before like dishes, taking out the trash, replacing the toilet paper, making dinner... He really stepped it up. I had no idea he was capable of accomplishing such tasks. That alone makes this whole mess worth it!
The staff here tried to make my stay as comfortable as possible. I was told if I wanted I could have a bi-weekly visit from a masseuse. She would come to my room Tuesdays and Fridays. I exclaimed "Hell ya!!" then I apologized for my vulgar language, yet also congratulated myself on a solid start. I was also informed that an activities director would come and speak to me about some fun things I could do during the day to keep my spirits up. I was very excited about this. I dreamt of what the activity could be- scrapbooking, knitting, roller blading... Finally the day came when a sweet elderly lady came in and announced she was indeed the activities coordinator that I had been waiting for. She said I was welcome to join in the action for the day. I couldn't wait to hear more when she explained further "Today's activity is animal therapy." I interrupted her by laughing hysterically. I was just as surprised at my reaction as she was. I repeated "Animal therapy?!!" I didn't even know that was a real thing. I have always assumed it was a very funny joke someone came up with. Oh I am sad, come here here little fur ball...so funny!!! She continued, "Yes, we have a dog who I can bring into your room and you can pet..." I couldn't hold it back anymore I had tears I was laughing so hard. "Oh, hell" I said because that is the only curse word I had practiced though I was still obviously uncomfortable saying it out loud "That sounds miserable to me. Please don't do that. Do not bring a dog in here. I would not like that!!" I cried through my tears. She looked concerned and asked, "Do you like dogs?" I quickly replied, "No ma'am. I do not...but I will love my baby." I could tell she wasn't impressed with me so I tried explaining as fast as I could, "Well you see I love people and kindness I just...I grew up on a farm and animals were everywhere and this one would pee in my car and the cats would be on the counter...there were birds...so many birds...a gerbil literally bit my mother-in-law on her foot once while in our home....There's some deep Sh..."I wasn't ready for that next level swearing so I stopped and made eye contact to see her slowly backing out of my room. I knew I would never be invited to activity day again.
I am aware this is the post that will prevent me from ever making it on the animal-loving Ellen show. We all have differences, Ellen. I also can't dance, so I get it.
Enter - Adult coloring books. I knew they existed and were popular but I didn't realize how popular. In one day I received three adult coloring books. I feel like the word adult throws me off with my expectations of them. If I told someone I received three adult movies in one day or went downtown to three adult shows they would likely have a different opinion of me. Yet, saying I have three adult coloring books the reaction is "Oh how wonderful! That's very therapeutic. At the very least you think adult coloring book... this is going to be juicy stuff to color. Nope it's beautiful owls, floral designs and fancy elephants. I wish I had come up with this idea because I spent a lot of time doodling in all my math classes in high school. That could have been my coloring book for sale. I really appreciated the coloring books even though I am now self diagnosed with adult ADD. I could manage to color one flower petal, then one peacock feather, and possibly a the hat on the quail in a period of 72 hours. It's all about having the right pens. I could color a whole flower with the gel pens. There are swear word adult coloring books which would aid in my foul language attempt only no one gave me one of those. So instead of coloring I have been using my gel pens to write curse words through out the geometric pages. I don't write the whole swear word just maybe one or two letters followed by the appropriate amount of asterisk symbols.
The ******* End of This ***** One ****
--- This post requires a small amount of clarification. This clarification concerning Dr. Edmunds has nothing to do the fact that he will be the one performing a surgery in the very near future that requires cutting my flesh open- which he has done many times before with much success. I am not scared and no threats have been issued this is real talk... He is a fantastic OBGYN and Seattle sure missed out when he moved back to Utah...okay what else was I suppose to say...He is very educated and experience and kind. If anyone needs an OBGYN I highly recommend leaving your current OBGYN for this professional not lying man! Message me and I'll give you his contact information. Seriously, he has put up with me for weeks now. Finally, I am on an extremely high dosage of iron so I may not recall the events as they truly happened. Ok Doc, let me know tomorrow if that worked! #thumbsup
One of the many doctors I had been seeing suggested I have some Ambien. I have never had a sleeping pill in all my days since sleeping has always been a solid skill of mine. To say I was excited would be an understatement. To me this was like an artist receiving brand new specialty paint brushes and paint. You know their next project is going to be amazing. When it comes to use of any substance we could just say I am very very vanilla. An Ambien?! Things were going to get crazy. This was going to be epic!!! I was going to pass out, snore so loud sprawled out awkwardly on my hospital bed, and let the drool run down my face. My nurse told me to tell her when I was ready so I looked through my Facebook feed one more time since it would be hours possibly days before I did that again and announced I was ready. Everyone said it usually takes about 10 minutes and you are out. I looked at the clock as I swallowed that pretty little pill and then sadly watched 3 more hours pass by. It didn't do its job at all. Very disappointing. Already I was digressing at something I was once really great at. Finally, I fell asleep just in time to have more nurse visits which allowed me to never sleep again. Ever.
When my boys came the next day my 3 year old Titus drank my hospital milk while squishing me in my bed with the amazing buttons that were just in his reach. Rock who is 5 cried and asked why I wasn't home. We explained to him that the doctors and nurses wanted me to stay so the baby and I could stay safe. Rock with tears in his eyes yelled, "I wish you never got pregnant. If you didn't get pregnant this wouldn't have happened!!" The problem I had with this was all the "you" talk. Rock was mad at me! I needed to fix this quick so I held him close to me and explained the truth, "Rock, it's not my fault I am pregnant. It's your father's fault I am pregnant and it's your baby sister's fault I am in the hospital. She is a girl and will likely ruin your life from this point forward because that's what girls do." This answer seemed to satisfy me as Rock glared at Ben and scooted away from my belly. Problem solved.
We were at a different hospital than we had planned and decided it would make the most sense to change doctors to one on location. We figured why not make everyones life easier. We lined up all the doctors and asked them important questions like who's your NBA team? Do you think Donald Trump is real person, because he can't be... and Do you drive a BMW? That last question was just work related for Ben. We met Dr. Edmunds and liked him right away because he had spent some time in Seattle and it's beautiful there so it seemed like a good fit. Also, he mentioned something about having experience as well as a degree of some kind. Sounded good to us. I asked him if he wore Northface gear all the time because I remember while in Seattle, sticking out in my flashy nike leggings while everyone else was in muted orange, yellow and black north face get-up. Dr. Edmunds responded with a chuckle that he did not. However, two days later he came in wearing his black north face jacket. That's when I knew our new doctor was a liar. That didn't matter much though because Dr. Edmunds was a fan of BMWs as he had driven one before (likely not in Seattle I am sure he had a Subaru there) but did not currently own bimmer. Future prospect. So Dr. Edmunds, with his trendy black framed glasses, got the job.
I was moved out of labor and delivery and back upstairs in recovery to be monitored. The days were exceptionally long and it was very difficult to be away from my husband and my boys. They spent every day with Ben's parents GiGi and Bop. They loved that. I was asked by friends and family what I do to keep busy all day. So far, I kept busy by staring at the wall or ceiling but didn't want to tell anyone that especially because I was quite content doing it. I needed to come up with something. Everything that I enjoy most, as far as activities go, requires me going somewhere and doing something. Never has a sit down hobby appealed to me in the slightest. I knew I needed to be open minded. After much thought I decided to tackle a secret goal I have had as a youth. My little brother, Grady, had a very impressive cursing talent. He could add cuss words to any sentence about any topic and it was if they belonged there. As a straight arrow young lady in greatly bothered me, however, I had serious respect for how well he put the words together. I decided that would be it. I would practice swearing and be even better at it than Grady. My deadline was to be ready by delivery. I would impress the entire hospital staff with my profanties. Meanwhile, Ben took on chores he had never done before like dishes, taking out the trash, replacing the toilet paper, making dinner... He really stepped it up. I had no idea he was capable of accomplishing such tasks. That alone makes this whole mess worth it!
The staff here tried to make my stay as comfortable as possible. I was told if I wanted I could have a bi-weekly visit from a masseuse. She would come to my room Tuesdays and Fridays. I exclaimed "Hell ya!!" then I apologized for my vulgar language, yet also congratulated myself on a solid start. I was also informed that an activities director would come and speak to me about some fun things I could do during the day to keep my spirits up. I was very excited about this. I dreamt of what the activity could be- scrapbooking, knitting, roller blading... Finally the day came when a sweet elderly lady came in and announced she was indeed the activities coordinator that I had been waiting for. She said I was welcome to join in the action for the day. I couldn't wait to hear more when she explained further "Today's activity is animal therapy." I interrupted her by laughing hysterically. I was just as surprised at my reaction as she was. I repeated "Animal therapy?!!" I didn't even know that was a real thing. I have always assumed it was a very funny joke someone came up with. Oh I am sad, come here here little fur ball...so funny!!! She continued, "Yes, we have a dog who I can bring into your room and you can pet..." I couldn't hold it back anymore I had tears I was laughing so hard. "Oh, hell" I said because that is the only curse word I had practiced though I was still obviously uncomfortable saying it out loud "That sounds miserable to me. Please don't do that. Do not bring a dog in here. I would not like that!!" I cried through my tears. She looked concerned and asked, "Do you like dogs?" I quickly replied, "No ma'am. I do not...but I will love my baby." I could tell she wasn't impressed with me so I tried explaining as fast as I could, "Well you see I love people and kindness I just...I grew up on a farm and animals were everywhere and this one would pee in my car and the cats would be on the counter...there were birds...so many birds...a gerbil literally bit my mother-in-law on her foot once while in our home....There's some deep Sh..."I wasn't ready for that next level swearing so I stopped and made eye contact to see her slowly backing out of my room. I knew I would never be invited to activity day again.
I am aware this is the post that will prevent me from ever making it on the animal-loving Ellen show. We all have differences, Ellen. I also can't dance, so I get it.
Enter - Adult coloring books. I knew they existed and were popular but I didn't realize how popular. In one day I received three adult coloring books. I feel like the word adult throws me off with my expectations of them. If I told someone I received three adult movies in one day or went downtown to three adult shows they would likely have a different opinion of me. Yet, saying I have three adult coloring books the reaction is "Oh how wonderful! That's very therapeutic. At the very least you think adult coloring book... this is going to be juicy stuff to color. Nope it's beautiful owls, floral designs and fancy elephants. I wish I had come up with this idea because I spent a lot of time doodling in all my math classes in high school. That could have been my coloring book for sale. I really appreciated the coloring books even though I am now self diagnosed with adult ADD. I could manage to color one flower petal, then one peacock feather, and possibly a the hat on the quail in a period of 72 hours. It's all about having the right pens. I could color a whole flower with the gel pens. There are swear word adult coloring books which would aid in my foul language attempt only no one gave me one of those. So instead of coloring I have been using my gel pens to write curse words through out the geometric pages. I don't write the whole swear word just maybe one or two letters followed by the appropriate amount of asterisk symbols.
The ******* End of This ***** One ****
--- This post requires a small amount of clarification. This clarification concerning Dr. Edmunds has nothing to do the fact that he will be the one performing a surgery in the very near future that requires cutting my flesh open- which he has done many times before with much success. I am not scared and no threats have been issued this is real talk... He is a fantastic OBGYN and Seattle sure missed out when he moved back to Utah...okay what else was I suppose to say...He is very educated and experience and kind. If anyone needs an OBGYN I highly recommend leaving your current OBGYN for this professional not lying man! Message me and I'll give you his contact information. Seriously, he has put up with me for weeks now. Finally, I am on an extremely high dosage of iron so I may not recall the events as they truly happened. Ok Doc, let me know tomorrow if that worked! #thumbsup
Monday, January 25, 2016
Just Another Manic Monday (S1 E1)
I love checking on my kids throughout the night. They look so sweet and I am filled with deep love for them. That love is enough to carry me throughout the day for when they are awake.
I was up for the 8th time to get a drink or go to the bathroom just like any woman about to be in her 3rd trimester would be so I went to check on my little bears who were so peacefully sleeping. I was putting a blanket over my 3 year old when it started. All of a sudden, I felt a warm rush of liquid down myself. Honestly, I wasn't surprised, after all urinating myself was to be expected since this is my third pregnancy. I don't take Zumba for the same reason- Well, lots of reasons the music, the dancing, the required bathroom breaks my bladder forces upon me and the women who wear those noise making belts with the bells on them. Those belts make me so angry. The problem was the rush kept coming and the second problem was discovered when I turned on the bathroom light- I did not pee myself. Actually, I was proud of myself for that, but the warm sensation was bright red blood and there was a lot of it.
I fixed myself up enough to get back to my bedroom where I calmly whispered, "Babe, I think we should go to the ER. I didn't urinate myself...However, I did bleed myself." I was sitting on the toilet with more of my blood rushing out when Ben thinks of something I hadn't. As he got ready in his matching neon Nike apparel he suggested, "Call our neighbors, see if we can use their mini van." See we just purchased a brand new SUV and clearly I was making a mess so he didn't want to take the new vehicle which was wise since it was just detailed. I didn't want to make him feel discouraged offering up ideas so I said, "Good thinking... only they likely are still sleeping." That didn't seem to bother him so I sensibly added "Plus, I don't think they have a heated steering wheel". At that he grabbed a few old towels and got me in our new SUV.
It was at our 18 week check up that we were told I had Complete Placenta Previa. Of course, I acted like I knew all about it then googled it while Ben drove us home. My placenta was in a dangerous position. It could cause severe bleeding and like anything found on google it would end with me being a zombie and the apocalypse. I read 90% of the placentas move and it's not an issue. I really wasn't concerned too much because I am pregnant which means very reasonable with little emotion. With that information I only brought it up to friends when I wanted to one-up their tough pregnancies. Something like "Oh... you have had morning sickness well I have morning sickness too plus I have CPP. Thats Complete Placenta Previa. It's really rare. Anyway good luck with morning sickness." #Bam.
I kept up with my normal routine; going to the gym in the morning, heading out on adventures with my boys, Rock and Titus, through out the day, Facebooking and eating way too much food while wondering how I gain so much during my pregnancies. It was at 25 weeks and 6 days pregnant that I created that first crime scene and that's how we first ended up at the E.R. for the first time.
When we got to our hospital we found out they don't have the means necessary to take care of me or the baby, if the baby did have to be delivered, so they called an ambulance to rush me to the other hospital. I asked if we could just drive there ourselves, but Ben said "Love, its probably best you go in that ambulance; We were really lucky you didn't get blood on the leather. Let's not push our luck." With that support, I got loaded in the ambulance. I asked Donald, the driver, for sirens since this would be my very first ride in one and I wanted it to be perfect. I tried to take a selfie for a solid Instagram post but couldn't get a good angle with all the IVs and cords. That's a regret. Though, Donald said he would hit the sirens for me, he did not. I won't forget his face or the fact he can't keep his commitments. The scariest part was driving in the ambulance. They were on their last hour of a 24 hour shift. How is that supposed to make me feel safe and why would they disclose that information to me?! Donny hit every bump and though I couldn't see out the window, I am sure he wasn't in the right lane at times and possibly texting as well. We made it to the hospital. I informed Don that I knew the sirens never came on. He ignored my glare and lifted me out of the back then let me know I was the lightest patient they had all day. So I forgave him for his deceit.
The nurses were super nice. They grabbed lots of pillows, ice chips, and a warm blanket for Ben because he was so tired. After he was settled they changed me into some very lovely underwear and a pad that was as tall as I am. That was very comfortable. I got a one-size fits all gown that added 45lbs to my figure that was already carrying 50lbs extra. I felt like a new woman.
The next few hours were spent getting monitored and talking to a lot of doctors, nurses and a social worker. The social worker asked multiple questions including, "Cydni, do you feel safe?" I looked over at Ben and thought about how he hadn't taken the trash out the week prior. In my mind it played out hysterically as I cried softly "Well the truth is the reason I started bleeding was..." yet I knew someone would have to pay for the ambulance ride. Therefore, I felt very safe. Then Krissy, the social worker, asked who would be watching our boys. It was then we remembered the boys. Ben looked at me, we both smiled at Krissy, then Ben stood up kissed me on the forehead and said it was probably a great time for him to head home while baby and I continued to get monitored. I whispered "Hurry home we don't even have a full box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch they are probably getting hungry!" Ben assured me he would take care of it and would get home as soon as possible he just had to stop to wash the SUV first.
I was up for the 8th time to get a drink or go to the bathroom just like any woman about to be in her 3rd trimester would be so I went to check on my little bears who were so peacefully sleeping. I was putting a blanket over my 3 year old when it started. All of a sudden, I felt a warm rush of liquid down myself. Honestly, I wasn't surprised, after all urinating myself was to be expected since this is my third pregnancy. I don't take Zumba for the same reason- Well, lots of reasons the music, the dancing, the required bathroom breaks my bladder forces upon me and the women who wear those noise making belts with the bells on them. Those belts make me so angry. The problem was the rush kept coming and the second problem was discovered when I turned on the bathroom light- I did not pee myself. Actually, I was proud of myself for that, but the warm sensation was bright red blood and there was a lot of it.
I fixed myself up enough to get back to my bedroom where I calmly whispered, "Babe, I think we should go to the ER. I didn't urinate myself...However, I did bleed myself." I was sitting on the toilet with more of my blood rushing out when Ben thinks of something I hadn't. As he got ready in his matching neon Nike apparel he suggested, "Call our neighbors, see if we can use their mini van." See we just purchased a brand new SUV and clearly I was making a mess so he didn't want to take the new vehicle which was wise since it was just detailed. I didn't want to make him feel discouraged offering up ideas so I said, "Good thinking... only they likely are still sleeping." That didn't seem to bother him so I sensibly added "Plus, I don't think they have a heated steering wheel". At that he grabbed a few old towels and got me in our new SUV.
It was at our 18 week check up that we were told I had Complete Placenta Previa. Of course, I acted like I knew all about it then googled it while Ben drove us home. My placenta was in a dangerous position. It could cause severe bleeding and like anything found on google it would end with me being a zombie and the apocalypse. I read 90% of the placentas move and it's not an issue. I really wasn't concerned too much because I am pregnant which means very reasonable with little emotion. With that information I only brought it up to friends when I wanted to one-up their tough pregnancies. Something like "Oh... you have had morning sickness well I have morning sickness too plus I have CPP. Thats Complete Placenta Previa. It's really rare. Anyway good luck with morning sickness." #Bam.
I kept up with my normal routine; going to the gym in the morning, heading out on adventures with my boys, Rock and Titus, through out the day, Facebooking and eating way too much food while wondering how I gain so much during my pregnancies. It was at 25 weeks and 6 days pregnant that I created that first crime scene and that's how we first ended up at the E.R. for the first time.
When we got to our hospital we found out they don't have the means necessary to take care of me or the baby, if the baby did have to be delivered, so they called an ambulance to rush me to the other hospital. I asked if we could just drive there ourselves, but Ben said "Love, its probably best you go in that ambulance; We were really lucky you didn't get blood on the leather. Let's not push our luck." With that support, I got loaded in the ambulance. I asked Donald, the driver, for sirens since this would be my very first ride in one and I wanted it to be perfect. I tried to take a selfie for a solid Instagram post but couldn't get a good angle with all the IVs and cords. That's a regret. Though, Donald said he would hit the sirens for me, he did not. I won't forget his face or the fact he can't keep his commitments. The scariest part was driving in the ambulance. They were on their last hour of a 24 hour shift. How is that supposed to make me feel safe and why would they disclose that information to me?! Donny hit every bump and though I couldn't see out the window, I am sure he wasn't in the right lane at times and possibly texting as well. We made it to the hospital. I informed Don that I knew the sirens never came on. He ignored my glare and lifted me out of the back then let me know I was the lightest patient they had all day. So I forgave him for his deceit.
The nurses were super nice. They grabbed lots of pillows, ice chips, and a warm blanket for Ben because he was so tired. After he was settled they changed me into some very lovely underwear and a pad that was as tall as I am. That was very comfortable. I got a one-size fits all gown that added 45lbs to my figure that was already carrying 50lbs extra. I felt like a new woman.
The next few hours were spent getting monitored and talking to a lot of doctors, nurses and a social worker. The social worker asked multiple questions including, "Cydni, do you feel safe?" I looked over at Ben and thought about how he hadn't taken the trash out the week prior. In my mind it played out hysterically as I cried softly "Well the truth is the reason I started bleeding was..." yet I knew someone would have to pay for the ambulance ride. Therefore, I felt very safe. Then Krissy, the social worker, asked who would be watching our boys. It was then we remembered the boys. Ben looked at me, we both smiled at Krissy, then Ben stood up kissed me on the forehead and said it was probably a great time for him to head home while baby and I continued to get monitored. I whispered "Hurry home we don't even have a full box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch they are probably getting hungry!" Ben assured me he would take care of it and would get home as soon as possible he just had to stop to wash the SUV first.
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