Christmas was coming and we had no idea if I was going to get to be home for the holiday. We prepared mentally either way but mostly felt gratitude that baby girl was still growing. She looked healthy and strong!
Ten days before Thanksgiving I had a strong urge to put up our Christmas tree. I harshly judge people who do that. I am that person who in anger post on Facebook "Can't we all be grateful before so greedy" then add the best meme I can find to go with that thought (next year when I do this I will be ready to add cursing to that post). This year I felt different. I found myself questioning everything I thought I knew about me. Who was this girl? I told my friend, Jessica, that I wanted to set up for Christmas and she reminded me that I am an adult and if I decided this year I wanted my tree up then I should put the tree up. So a few days passed and finally I took her advice and came out of the early Christmas decor closet. Titus, Rock and I set up the Christmas Tree and started playing Christmas music immediately. Looking back, I am sure glad we did since I was in now sitting in a hospital bed. I did not feel like I missed out too much on enjoying my favorite time of year. I didn't stop there and did something else crazy and bought nearly all of our gifts the first week of December through Amazon. I took care of family, friends and my boys gifts by the 5th day of December. Usually we rush out a day or two before Christmas and wrap until 3am. These two things were key for a low stress hospital stay. I knew everything concerning that was taken care of. Phew!!
Jessica has been a key player in this experience. I am not just saying that because I am going to ask her to edit this before I post it. Which she will do even knowing I listened to Justin Beiber as I wrote it out which she does not support at all. Everyone needs a friend like Jessica. I needed some items and didn't want to add to Ben's full plate. So I turned to Jessica. I sent her a text that I needed big ugly underwear, slippers, and some brow liner because eye brows are important. Not only did she get me this right away but she also brought other items I didn't think about like Mascara and chocolate. Mascara would end up being something I held on dearly to from this experience on. I had no idea what it would do for my mood. I showered and then put on my mascara and with that I knew I could get through the day. Everyone needs a friend who will buy you ugly underwear, hook you up with Netflix and bring you mascara. I love mascara and I love Jessica.
Not only did I have Jessica at this time but one sister-in-law, Julia, who works the night shift as a......fill in the blank .....ok a nurse but I bet you thought of something much more exotic. I have another SIL, Colleen, who just had a baby so both were up all night texting me since Ambien is a fraud. My third SIL, Jaimee, was on call to fly out if I we needed. My brothers married quite well despite their height. Then there was Valayne who has been a solid friend since high school the one who can tell anything to things like I listen to JB and even bought his CD. I would probably lose friends over that. Actually, come to think of it I haven't seen Jessica for days.... I couldn't name everyone who has been here to visit or brought sweet gifts because there are so many it would take an entire blog to give everyone credit and legally because a lot of them are famous, very famous and very rich, beautiful people so for their protection I have to keep the list short. I wanted to list some though so people would get the idea that I am very popular which is true because I have roughly 75 Facebook friends and 28 Instagram followers. #Ihashtag #popular #followforafollow
It's been said that experiences like this show who your friends are and I felt like we have been blessed because people we thought would be there for us have been and people we have slowly gotten to know have become people we love greatly. The people who surprised me were my parents. My dad would call laughing. He could barely get it out but I knew what he was going to say because he said it every single time we talked "BAHAHAHAHA Pay Back has already begun BAHAHAHA hope you are ready for a daughter BAHAHA they are the worst HAHA!!" My mother cheered me up by sending pictures of one of her dogs ,Ada Mae, doing cute things like staring at the camera, sitting or drinking water from a bowl. Since the day my father sat me on his lap and told me I should have been a boy I knew I would never be the favorite.
I was ready to go home. Nothing exciting had happen and I had been in for 11 days. After counseling with another friend, Kira, I knew there was only one way they were going to let me out. I started being as disruptive as possible. Typical things like running my naked pregnant body through the halls, throwing mashed potatoes at the other patient's visitors, pulling the emergency cord in the bathroom only to ask for a Diet Coke or foot massage, hiding from my nurses for hours in another room, or checking people's vitals which I do know how to do now but not really qualified. My favorite was when a patients baby was in the room I would say, "Awe cute kid you made but you should see the baby two rooms down now that baby is beautiful but hey mediocre is great too." People loved that. That very same day December 17 at 6 pm, Dr. Edmunds gave me the good news that I could go home!!! I was so excited I wanted to jump up and hug the guy but felt it was inappropriate because 1) I am so largely pregnant right now so my bosom's are gigantic. I am talked close to a full B cup so that's enough to make anyone uncomfortable (Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable but it's just true and don't compare yourself to me not everyone can be as voluptuous) 2) He is a liar about north face gear and finally 3) He will one day buy a BMW from the dealership so it's important to keep things professional with future clientele. So I gave him two thumbs up. I packed up fast and called for a ride.
We decided to keep it a surprise for the boys and what a wonderful surprise it was! I was going to be home for Christmas!! It didn't take long to have things make to a normal household. The boys and I played some board games and read a few books. I took a nice long hot shower and even shaved my legs as best as I could- well one of them. We sat together at the counter while Ben suggested I make dinner, catch up on laundry and rub his feet. However, after a sweetheart conversation he ordered us dinner, rubbed my feet and we happily sat as a family. I can't recall a time that I have felt more overjoyed. Ben and I stayed up much too late watching a movie that I didn't like but I liked being by him, in our home, holding his hand. I decided I should get some sleep but first posted a very fluffy and heartfelt Facebook post of what we had been going through and how grateful I was for it to be over. I really hadn't posted on Facebook the whole time which isn't like me. I usually don't want anyone missing out on where we are, what we are eating or what we are doing every moment of the day. I hadn't really told many people still but in the words of Taylor Swift we were out of the woods now. I no longer cared who knew. Then I hopped into my bed!
Oh! My own bed! It felt wonderful. Ben came in an hour later to join me. That's when I sat up and exclaimed, "OH NO!!!!!!" I rushed to the bathroom and begged Ben to tell me I was having a nightmare. Blood everywhere again. I had been scared about when or if I would bleed again but I did not feel scared at all as it happened- I felt anger. I cried and begged him not to make me go back after all I was sure I knew how to handle it on my own now- I needed an IV, a gigantic pad and somewhere uncomfortable to put my feet up just like the hospital. I immediately took down by stupid Facebook post while Ben grabbed my unpacked bags and started to say "Mini Van?" but stopped and grabbed some towels. I felt sick for the morning when my boys would wake up and I would be gone again. I felt guilt as a mother that I was failing them and fear they would be so mad at me. I also wished I had shaved my other leg. This was the first time I didn't feel so bad about my new learning to swear hobby because I put to use every word I had been practicing which was still just one but I was much better at it now. I felt a little broken and down for the first time and it was the first time through the whole thing that I really cried.
--No need for any clarification for this post because it's true I am a massive B Cup. Boom.
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